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| A lot of times we don't realize the significance.
Jesus bled until He couldn't bleed anymore on that cross.
He took our place on the cross whose spot belonged to us.
He loves us that much.
Thank you for the reminder during this week of passion, Jesus.
EDIT: Do I know? Do I know just how much God loves me? I don't think I do.
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| I'm so amazed at what God can do in just a short amount of time.
Even though I was down, I went to church anyways, broken and downcast, with a hope that God can lift me up. AND HE DID! Ahhhh...
Truly, He did stretch me to the limits and He has brought me back to Him. I think He intends to show His character through our trials, circumstances--good times or bad, although it's usually in the bad times that we take note most often.
I realize more fully now that God lifts us up each time we fall, as long as we hold onto Him. I understand why God has so many names now: Because it reflects who He is through our circumstances. He is my healer, my strength, my love And like that footprints poster, He really does carry me through the dark times of my life.
God is sooooo awesome. =)
No wonder why the people in Revelation can worship Him 24/7.
PS, Thanks for praying for me you all.
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| I think I can say that a lot has happened with me since the last time I posted.
My fellowship had a retreat last month, which I really enjoyed. Being there at the retreat lifted my spirit and I felt that my life was pretty good. I was especially glad to see a certain someone come. As I came back to my apartment, back to UCSD, back to the library to study, I knew I had to prepare, in a way, to come back to my normal way of life. I remember Ed's words of coming back to "reality," that it was like going back to Iraq after going on vacation in the Bahamas.
I failed pretty bad at preparing. After experiencing the retreat, I didn't really feel like going back to school and such. A week went by and I got extremely sick. It was like getting a viral version of strep throat with a fever all in one. So it got to the point where I couldn't go to school for a few days. I stopped going to my classes and even after I got better, the habit of not going to classes continued.
Depressed and disconnected has been how I've been feeling I suppose. I could tell because I sought solace from my friends from high school again through gaming, when I should've found that solace, that love, that company, from God, first and foremost. At least that's the correct response.
I dropped my writing class after attempting to write an essay I had no idea how to write. I really thought the prompt was vague and ambiguous, but I think those are just excuses. Now, I feel like dropping my physics class too. I don't seem to be learning anything from that class, but it's mostly my fault for not going to class.
So I've always heard that we ought to do things we like, but then again, I've heard that we should be living for God. Of course I ought to live for God. But I'm not liking my classes. I can't say that it's because I'm not doing well in them, because I did really well on the midterm for one of my classes. But still, I'd rather be working as a FedEx driver. Doing something simple, and helping people out some way, whether that be through gaming or in RL appeals to me. Then again, I would be missing out, probably, on the joys of parenthood by the way this society functions, if I ever decided to take that path.
I really do enjoy helping people, but many times, I find myself too depressed to lift a finger, for one petty reason or another. I enjoy playing games because it offers me a way of helping people out that in RL doesn't. Games are especially developed to contain challenges, missions, quests, etc. especially MMO's. Struggling, fighting alongside each other builds bonds that are often unknown to others, but to a gamer, it's there.
I don't know if I want a statement I heard to be true or not, whether being "once a gamer, always a gamer."
I know I would do better if I went to San Jose State instead of UCSD. That and I wouldn't be complaining because I would be doing good in my classes. My time at De Anza is proof of that. It's not because of less competition, but because my family is there, and everything else familiar is around, and my friends of most my walks of life are there to support me. Haha, I totally sound like I'm homesick. I suppose I am, whenever I do bad in school, like when I first left UCSD.
Through many experiences, I realize that getting out of my comfort zone, being kicked out of the house sort of, is best for me. I just can't stand it right now.
If you've read this far, thanks. I don't think I'm looking for ways to improve my life. I know it's there. God's the answer. I guess I'm addicted to something. Otherwise I wouldn't refuse help like this.
Wrote this entry to this song. You don't have to watch it, but listen to the song. It's beautiful.
http://www.youpie.net/wp-content/uploads/2006/02/meetingagain-en.swf
God, honestly, from the way I've been living, I don't think I've been wanting your help, but regardless of what I think, or do, help me please.
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| Ah, so much love. Thanks. Word sure travels around fast...
I figured out what it was that gave me food poisoning: CARROTS. On my way to buy milk Sunday night, Vons had 1 pound baby carrot bags for $1.50 each, so I couldn't resist and bought two, thinking to myself how healthy they are. Healthy-plus-plus. I ended up eating one whole bag on Tuesday as my lunch while studying.
There's a moral to all of this.
That night, I got back home to microwave some burritos for dinner because I had a lot to study for. Healthy-minus-minus-minus-minus. My stomach started hurting right before I took my first bite but I ignored it at first. Eventually the pain got pretty bad, I couldn't finish my food and I knew I wouldn't be able to do my homework either. So I just attempted to go to bed.
I woke up at ~5:30AM I think, with a good 7.5~ or so hours of sleep, so you can figure out when I slept. After T/U #1, I felt a bit better but I couldn't go back to sleep 'cause the pain was just above the sleep-away-the-pain tolerance level. So I ended up lying on my bed for about an hour. The pain gradually increased again...
Moral of the story:
See, the good thing about waking up very early is that I can spend leisure time with God.
I had in mind to spend my Time With Abba anyways instead of going to the hospital, for I believe the Lord is the God of healing, and if there was any good time to test my faith, it was then. Shoot, I think I must have known what it was like to give birth. If not that, then at least I now have a deeper, newfound appreciation for Jesus because of what He endured while He was crucified on the cross.
I eventually ended up T/U 2 more times, having Robert pray for me in between via the phone (it works).
Cool thing was, I actually made it to my classes.
inspiration:
[T]he prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord
will raise him up.
The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.
James 5:15,16
And He said,
Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today.
Exodus 14:13
_____________
Thank you Lord Jesus.
silv3rstyle out.
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| UCSD is having a campus-wide vote on a bill addressing the future of a student run television group (SRTV) and its ability to continue to broadcast. The program was shut down for pornography and the use of hate/discriminating speech. The bill also bans the use of nudity.
Those opposed to the bill say this issue is about free speech.
My thoughts...
1. Free Speech is a Privilege. Appealing to the Students to vote against the bill, some of which were verbally assaulted, doesn't make sense. Ultimately, ideals like Free Speech exist to spread and promote growth of community, not destruction.
Those upholding the ban say this issue is about student control.
My thoughts...
1. Banning one thing can lead to the banning of other things deemed 'inappropriate' by society. Slippery slope analogy.
2. Compelling the SRTV cast to obey does not change hearts. Obeying laws rarely, if ever, changes hearts.
Hmm... what do you think?
I have until 4PM tomorrow to decide.
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